i gave the mirror my best frown, but it didn't crease these new wrinkles. optimistically i tried a smile, but that didn't do it either. i thought for a moment, then flared my nostrils and opened my mouth wide in an expression of painful effort. there it was. well then, i thought and then chuckled. could be worse.

in other news

hit up the earlybirds yesterday. first race--fake race, but racing nonetheless--of the year. a good reminder of why i bike 15-20 hours a week in unpleasant conditions. i felt sketchy at first but fell more or less into the rhythm after a half hour or so. no crashes. turns felt natural towards the end. and i wasn't half as tired as some people dispite having ridden 50+ miles to get to the race. go coach go. except for feelng unusually hungry, it hardly feels like i rode 104 miles yesterday at all. thank you body i am pleased with you.

resolve.

my new years resolution, i decided, is to remember people's names more. it's really not all that hard now that i'm trying. i used to memorize so much useless shit all the time back in school, so this should be even easier, right?

of interviews and iphones

it's hiring season again. i've been talking to intern and fulltime candidates. so far most have been frustratingly bad. or if not that, then at least frustrating. please all of you, don't ever ask me what my favorite part of working at Apple is. next time someone does that i'm going to answer, "because it's apple. it's pretty much exactly what you'd expect working at apple to be like. what do you wish it was like?" I actually had some dude ask me "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" at the end of the interview. i would have seriously chewed his head off had i not had a partner there. those are the sorts of questions that uncreative HR folks ask you! not what you ask us. the next interview might go something like this: "so what's your favorite part about working at--" "no, sorry, wrong, try again" "??".

deep breath

oh yeah. the iphone. i want to trigger its proximity sensor all over my body.

∝  my first 1/2/pro race went just dandy, though i got crashed out (unhurt) with 4 to go.

∝  still wit da gurl. yep yep yep.

∝  switched teams. i'm now a member of arete, a small, focused cat 2, under-35 team.

∝  i'm temporarily missing most of a tooth again thanks to an infected root canal and the work being done to fix that. different missing tooth than usual.

∝  i purchased a backpack, the first one i've owned since high school. two straps and all.

∝  it started raining yesterday.

i'd been having a steady string of bad luck lately: wasting myself in breakaways that didn't go anywhere one race, dropped my chain in another, got a flat in yet another. a steady stream of races where I could have pulled something off but didn't.

then on monday, labor day, i went the last real race of the year, the giro di san francisco. the giro is a crit and crits have proven to be my weakness this season so i wasn't expecting much besides a friendly reminder of that. on the other hand i'd been consciously working on my pack skills in the preceding months of road racing: moving up inside the group, cornering in tight packs, stealing wheels. i was anxious to test those out in a crit.

"ah, it's like riding a bike. you don't forget how" responded someone to my complaints of criterium nonfamiliarity. and sure enough. it felt good. my road pack practice translated to the small course well. i knew the course from last year and how it affected the pack on each corner. to practice the sprint, i went for a prime and took it without much difficulty.

on the last lap i had a moment of panic when i got myself into a box on the small 2-block climb but managed to sneak out of it on the gentle descent to chase after jan who had made a break for it at the top of the rise. a very large davis guy was making a go for it right in front of me and i let him pull me to the front of the pack before he slowed and i broke on my own. came around the the last 2 corners with a slight gap on the pack and then sprinted like a madman, watching jan get closer and closer... but not close enough. i can live with 2nd, i thought, as i started to sit up crossing the finish. apparently the pack was much closer behind me than i'd thought and there was a tense moment for the spectators as 3rd place started moving up on me in the last few meters, but i was still far enough ahead it didn't matter.

so anyway, 2nd place is 5 points which was just enough to give me my upgrade, approved yesterday, to category 2. i am a cat 2 bike racer. i spent alot of time yesterday staring into space and repeating that. i am a cat 2 bike racer. i can race against professional bike racers. my road races will go for over 100 miles instead of 70. my crits will be 90 minutes instead of 50. scary, exciting stuff. tomorrow i'm jumping in my first 90-minute 1/2/pro criterium up in san rafael to get a test for what i have to train for over the winter. wish me luck.

one more thing...

i'm starting to see a new girl and she is a force of good.

computer scrabble is fun because you can spend 10 minutes a turn and nobody bitches at you. spending 10 minutes a turn and occasionally cheating by flipping through a dictionary lets me place (with confidence) "ribaldry" for 92 points (triple word score + 50 point "bingo!" bonus). next I may flip on the timer and try to make my games a bit shorter so that when i next play against humans they will be mad at me because i always kick their ass so hard and not because i take 10 minutes a turn and still lose horribly. or i'll just get bored of it by then, we'll see. because i'm actually thinking while playing this game i don't feel so bad about playing it for hours on end.

why do i have so much time? i blame a combination of my nasty east-coast-born cold (couldn't bike) and WWDC (wasn't working much). this all shall change soon now that the conference is nearly over and i'm back to racing this weekend. patterson pass on saturday is going to kick my ass because i haven't ridden at all for 2.5 weeks and I wasn't riding hard before that. i just hope to finish it at this point. wish me luck.

mr. harris started work last week. it's good to have minions. he is yet another married stiff younger than i. he tells me he has troubles at home and i tell him to just stay at work later. like the other married stiffs in the office that i tell that to, he doesn't think it's very funny.

bikesuk

i almost did really well at leesville. i did stay hydrated and i was in a break of around 9 people or so when my front tire blew off the rim on the biggest descent of the course. i had 50m or so before the road turned to dump enough speed with the rear brake and then lay the bike down in the gravel. hit the embankment with a little *thud* and filled my shorts with gravel, burrs, and blood (mostly the former two). total damage: some road rash, ruined rim and front tire, and a missed sure-thing top-6. damnit.

i also raced lafayette. overestemated my body's ability to recover in >90 degree heat and got nothing in the finish, tho i won the first prime.

and...

clambikesuk

there's a little circuit race in my home town every year during the Yarmouth Clam Festival that i've been thinking about doing ever since i turned cat 3 and was eligible for it (it's just got one men's field). this was my first ever 123/pro race. it was also maine, however, so i expect things are tougher here in cali. i don't think any pros showed up this year, either. it was definitely faster than the usual 3s race. and safer. and... more polite. i think it's a new england thing. not that there weren't attacks going off right and left, and a goodly amount of bumper-bikes, but people actually moved out of the way when you said "on your left" or tapped them on the ass. also, the spectators clapped politely instead of screaming their heads off. insaney fun, though. people were zigging and zagging and attacking all over but it all had such a wonderful flow to it that i didn't feel endangered.

i'm a little pissed at how i finished. i let myself get boxed in the final sprint. i was in perfect position cresting the hill just before the last stretch. then, just as the sprint was heating up, my wheel just kind of stopped accelerating. and so did the guys on either side of me. i couldn't believe it. i ended up sitting down for the last 50m as people swarmed past on both sides. still ended up 14th out of 66. i wish i'd attacked with about 150m to go, just before rider on my right cut off that avenue. i clearly had more steam left than those immediately around me at that point and probably could have solo'd my way to a top-6 from there. yes, yes. regrets, regrets.

clambakesuk

but how did i manage to fly cross-country without producing a long-winded entry about airports, you ask. i blame my new nintendo DS lite. yes i got one. it is the cutest little wannabe-ibook you've ever seen. i wish i had it with me right now. it's been a long day and i feel nearly braindead so you'll have to excuse me if my ramblings are less coherent than usual i want to be bouncing on the heads of shy-guys.

anyway, maine. and boston. boston first, i stopped a while to have times with the ex-gffw. it was too hot to really do much besides eat cold things and seek air conditioning so that's what we did. which was good, actually, i needed the rest. also, a scanner darkly is a pretty good movie. go see it.

right, maine. maine was nice. i caught up on my sitting around lump-like. i had times with the kitties. i had times with my sisters. i had times with my parents. i had times with my dad's intern who is rooming with them. my dad is nearly 60. that blows my mind. he doesn't look 60. he doesn't act 60. he says he doesn't feel 60, either. that gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling for all sorts of reasons. we went bike shopping.

werksuk

if i do not see you for 3 weeks, do not be offended. it is that sort of time right now. also, i have a new minion, w00t.

leesville gap road race tomorrow. i think if i can stay hydrated i'll do pretty well.

in the meantime, while things settle out and i pretend to be strong enough to wait for her to call me first, i have anger. instead of simply drinking it away i've been trying to channel it to more constructive ends. like biking a whole lot. and beating people in sprints. and making it my goal to beat him in every single race possible by as much as possible. ...which was kinda my goal before but for different reasons, but whatever. see, people don't change.

poetic justice would have him breaking up with her yet again to focus on his racing and recover from the ass-spankings that my newly-focused self will be capable of delivering... but that sort of wishful thinking verges dangerously on a revenge fantasy and i don't really wish that on us all. it would be terribly, terribly funny though.

and...

yes, sadness too. i do miss her. le sigh

i just read a book which had quite alot to say about relationships (and life in general), The Nimrod Flipout, by Etkar Keret. I can't say i've learned anything relevant, but it was good and interesting. perspective gained.

burnout

i'm tired. there is a weariness in my bones. actually, i'm not that tired, but i'm just tired enough that i'm playing it up so that maybe i'll listen to my body. i jumped in an alleycat-style circuit race on 06/06/06 day and had to drop out halfway through, exausted and defeated. And also carrying an unnecessary backback that the leaders lacked. And also with my back brake rubbing severely for the whole race. no wonder. that's what i get for showing late and unprepared.

in any event, it served as a forceful ending punctuation mark to this period of peak physical performance. some weaks ago i decided my knee was better. not just "okay i can bike around" better, but "lets go do the paradise loop on our fixed gears" better. racing and training followed and then more racing. cat's hill, nothing. Then 6th place in berkeley hills the next day. then 3rd place on a long breakaway in penoche pass the following weekend. then the weekend after that in mt. hamilton another long breakaway and... i win. the stars aligned. other riders had a bad day and i had a good one. my second win this year and first one with a full field and long-ish course. 10 upgrade points coming my way. if you look hard enough you can find video of me screaming at the top of my lungs as i cross the finish line.

and then the next weekend, business as usual. 4 corner crit, no results. no crashes at least. someone mentions to me that in running if you win a race one week you're pretty much expected to place for several weeks after that. in biking... it's always up in the air.

pretty, shiny

there is a new bike in my stable. he is my belated cat 3 upgrade self-present. he doesn't have a name yet and i welcome suggestions. smooth Ti ride with long chainstays. he will be my road monster. i think i may hang onto Buddy just for crits cuz the steering's quicker. my strength this season has been the road races and that's where this bike will shine. steady in turns, glides over potholes, and a good deal lighter than Buddy.

what else?

mm... i got a haircut. down with shag. i've been busy. it goes it goes.

beiksuk

rode the track last night for my first session of wednesday night races last night. the dry air and pollen makes your lungs burn like fire after the first race and i'm still coughing stuff up today. the hellyer hack, noted one of the officials, laughing at us.

I felt much more confident this time. even moreso after i started winning races. wednesday night categories are split into self-selected A, B, and C groups. being brand new I registered as a C, not knowing I could switch groups mid-session. and while it is fun to win every race you ride in, I'm told that I probably should have just registered as a B from the start. next week. next week. not that i won easily. after the last race ended i threw up a little bit in my mouth.

also set a new record for the longest ride since my knee problems started. 95 miles, many of them fast, trying to hold the wheel of one of my rivals as we hammered around paradise drive, me pulling only occasionally.